li'l Bro

Like most boys I can remember being interested in my own body from a very early age. At the age of four I would like nothing
better than to wander about in the nude around the house and even in the garden. It wasn’t until I was six that I realised that
other boys and to a lesser extent girl’s bodies were interesting to. Interestingly, even back then, I wanted to look at other boys
far more than I wanted to look at girls. Not long after this I lost interest in girls completely. Maybe I was just going through the
girls are yucky stage.

I spent the next three years have peeing competitions. You know the type of thing who can get the highest up a wall and taking
the occasional dare to run naked through a local wood or some other secluded place. These are just two that spring to mind. It
was during this time also that about four of us would go to our tree house to show off to the others. We took it in turns to take
all our clothes off while the others had a good look at you. There was never any touching, just looking and I know that the
other three are now married, two of them have children of their own now. What would the people who like putting labels on us
make of that?

When I was nearly ten, my mother remarried. My stepfather told me that I either did things his way or I would suffer. The
beatings I received from him on one or two occasions were severe enough to keep me off school for about a week. It was
around this same time that my brother who is five years older than me started taking a sexual interest in me.
It started with the type of things that probably a lot of other siblings engage in. I didn’t mind, I enjoyed it and saw it as attention
that I was no longer getting from my mother and I idolised my elder brother, he was if you like my hero. Unfortunately, it went
on from there to things that I definitely did not enjoy. Suddenly I felt dirty and worthless.

In my late teens I decided to try to convince myself that I didn’t like boys and that I was ‘NORMAL’, is there such a thing? I
even found a girlfriend and had a wonderful daughter. It wasn’t me though. A good while later I faced the fact that yes I did like boys and it was normal for me.

At this point I should say that I don’t think that any of the sexual play was bad. The thing that was bad was the force used and
being made to take it further than I was happy with at the time. I was forced to do more than I wanted to.

I still to this day believe that boys are sexual from almost day one. There is nothing wrong in my mind with boys experimenting,
be it with their own peers or with an adult. The choice of whom they experiment with and indeed if they ever do should be
theirs and theirs alone. The boy also I feel should always be the one to set the pace and should always feel and be able to say
no or enough.

Am I damaged from my childhood experiences? Well, the honest answer is I am slowly dealing with it and to some extent yes I
was damaged. I shudder when I hear of sexual or emotional abuse of a child but I also smile and feel good inside when I see a
bl and his boy being close or a father and son being close. None of us can emerge untainted by our childhood experiences. I
will say that just because I was abused both physically and sexually does not mean I will automatically end up doing the same.

Too many children these days are being force-fed the latest ideology. The latest psycho sex babble if you like. I believe that my sexual orientation was set maybe from as early back as birth. Even if none of my abuse had happened I think that I still would
have been a boy lover. I don’t know what makes somebody an abuser, but I am sure it is not as simple as we are led to
believe.

Somewhere down the line sexual experimentation, as a child has become a taboo thing to do. If this is the case then I fear for
our future adults, who may grow up being sexually repressed. Childhood is a time to explore and learn. Maybe the
psychologists should look at what damage they do to the children they are supposed to help.
 

Lil Bro.
 

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