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Dreamer, You can certainly tell a good story. I wandered into this site for the first time 4 weeks ago and have been following Tom and Ricky ever since. Your English is great too: great structure, no typos or spelling mistakes. It is a pleasure to read. There are a couple of areas you could improve on. Please note, I wouldn't winge unless I thought you had talent. Ignore the masochists who hate your work while reading every chapter. You can't bear to let your heros suffer too much. I recognise this because I'm worse than you. If Tom were to have his head smashed open, he HAS to have some after-effects and a long recovery - with the attendant ups and downs. Also, he HAS to get it hit by someone/something later (why not by Ricky himself?). I admit, you made Ricky suffer a bit, but those long cold nights could have been dragged out a bit more! To get a really good story, the hero has to suffer to the point that the reader cannot imagine how they are going to get out of it. And that business of the parents not telling Tom to the point of Mom moving away to let Tom visit his grandparents. That's hurting me; there had better be a good reason for that. Oh, and by the way, they are some who don't know a word of Spanish. I went to boarding school, but they were never thoughtful enough to pair us off in separate rooms. I could guarantee that a bit of mutual masturbation would occur in 90% of those studies - every night. So why not in your story? For instance, that first night (in Part 9) when Tom thought there was an earthquake. It could have gone like this... (contents DELETED BY WEBMASTER HULANN for NIFTY type material) I deleteed the whole thing since there was way too much to edit that if I tried to do that it would look like swiss cheese) Something like that, all quite legal and something vital that your audience needs to know about their heros. The Christian thing interests me. How does boylove rest with St. Paul? Aren't some of the homosexuality passages in your Bible really about boylove? Keep up the good work. R. Jim-lad. |