Posted by Echo Free on December 31, 1999 at 01:24:11:
Hi Guys. Sorry but this is rather long. Its the memorie of the first time I met my first, and only YF. I've change the names. But the rest is as I remember it. Which if my mind isn't playing triks on me is preatty much how it happened. Hope you enjoy.
Love Echo <(((
A Stroll Down Memorie Lane.
Memories are rather finicky. Some seeming to be no more then shadows or basic emotions. Others so clear that, when one closes his eyes and thinks on it. He is immediately transferred to that place and time. The colors and sounds are as if they are happening. It is almost like you are a passenger sitting upon a strangers shoulder, watching the world take form.
For some memories, you sit passively. Enjoying the moment, feeling the joy. A small smile playing across your lips. For others, you scream at yourself. In a vain attempt to change the inevitable.
I, myself only have a few, bright, happy memories. I cherish them. Holding them often in my mind. Examining them over and over, as if they were precious jewels .
One such memorie, is about my first meeting with my only YF. I won't tell you his real name. But I will call him Shawn. Simply to give him a name. Also to give you a reference to whom I am talking about when I share more precious memories with you. This is one of my favorite memories. I have spent hours, even days playing it through my mind. Examining it, pausing it, replaying my favorite parts. It is like a well loved movie to me. All be it, a short one. I can't help but wonder how much of it was colored, or manufactured by my mind, and how much really took place. I don't think that it has changed much from what actually happened, but I am sure that my mind has clarified much of it from the confusion I was feeling at the time.
I was 16, when I first met him. High School wasn't going bad, or at least not so bad that all I wanted to do was run and hide. I was making friends, (which was new), and going places, (which was also new). I was starting to party and drink. I had also just discovered drugs. (Which I no longer do.) Trying them for the first time a year earlier with my Step Dad, but that's another memoire.
One of my closest friends at the time, Clint, had invited me over to his place. Mentioning, rather offhandedly, that his cousin and her boy were staying at his place for a bit. I assumed that the child would be a baby, no more then two. I was wrong. I don't really recall why we were going to his place, but if I knew us back then, it was to get some dope. So's we could have a two man party.
It was late afternoon, and Friday to boot. The weekend was ahead of us. The weather fair, for early spring. No rain and rather warm. We got to Clint's place, and Shawn was there, which thinking about it was rather odd, what with the weather and all. But then again, Shawn didn't have all that many friends. One or two at most. Perhaps that's what drew me to him. Made him so special in my mind, and heart. That he was so much like me.
We went in and Clint ran off to his room leaving me to find my way around. I walked up the stairs from the front door, and looked into the living room. There, lying upon his stomach, was my beautiful Angel, Shawn. He was propped up on his elbows, playing Nintendo. I remember the scene as if it were yesterday. His legs, up in the air, crossed at the ankles. His slight body moving in tune with the T.V. Mario. His cinnamon colored hair, in badly need of a trim, falling slightly over his eyes.
I felt my pulse race, my breathing quicken. The colors around him seemed to grow crisper, more real. While the rest of the room seemed to darken, almost out of existence. The sunlight seemed to dance for this boy Angel.
My thoughts were racing and warring against one another. "My God, he's beautiful. NO! PERVERT! He's so adorable. SICK F*&%ing PIG. I just want to touch him. To brush away the hair from his brow. HE'S A CHILD!! Feel his skin beneath my fingers."
Then he turned his head,
smiled Angelically, and stole my heart anew. I felt my blood rush, and all I could hear was my heart, smashing violently into my ribs.
His lips moved, and I forced myself to muddle through the emotions I was feeling, to hear, hell, comprehend what he said.
"Hi! My names Shawn. What's yours? Want to play?"
"Uh.", I said stupidly, "Hi." Then, taking the first breath in a while, I walked into the room, hunkered down and said, "My names Echo. Nice to meet cha Shawn."
"Hi Echo. Wanna play?" , he asked in his child soprano.
"Sure." , I said, "But I have to warn you. I suck at Mario Bro's."
"That's okay," he says, "I'll teach you."
I crossed my legs and plopped myself down next to him. Shawn sat up, handed me the remote and slid in closer, until our knees touched. Then he started off with his litany of tips. "Oh! Jump! Lookout! Okay, now you want to go on top." and so on.
I performed fairly valiantly, considering I could barely concentrate on the game. I made it to level Two.
Clint showed up about halfway through the game saying, "Okay, Echo. We can go."
To which I replied, "Yea, yea. After this game." Which lasted a whole three or four minutes more. After Mario had kicked the bucket for the last time, I stood up. Handed the remote back saying, "Thanks for the game Shawn, and the tips." Then I did what I had been itching to do since I first saw him. I ran my fingers through his cinnamon down, brushing it away from his golden brown eyes. He smiled when I did it. (I love that smile.)
Then I said, "Hey, it was nice ta meet ya, Shawn. I'll see you around little Buddy."
"Yea, Okay." He says solemnly. Breaking my heart at the same time. "Bye." Then he waved his little paw at me until I was out of site down the stairs.
When we went outside I couldn't help looking back towards the living room window. And there was his little face peering out at us. I like to think conceitedly that he was watching me. I gave a final wave goodbye, and flashed a smile. He smiled back (ahhhhhhh) and waved energetically.
I knew, then and there, that I would be spending a lot of time at Clint's place, and hopefully a lot more time with Shawn. I found out through some serendipitous questions that Shawn was Six right now but that he would be turning Seven in July. I knew, that I'd be getting him a present.