Posted by Techie on January 04, 19100 at 20:59:25:
I am a boy lover. I am attracted to boys, and the root of that attraction is sexual in nature.
I know now that I have always been this way, and I will go to my grave this way. I Have spent the majority of my adult life trying to understand what force it was that put the pieces together to make me this way. I have yet to learn what they are or where they came from. This doesn’t mean that I try to lure boys into having a sexual relationship with me. Quite the contrary, I am very careful to do things to avoid having a sexual relationship with a boy.
But, I am still attracted to boys, and this makes it rather a challenge to lead a normal life.
I know there are people that, for whatever reason, refuse to accept the fact that a person like me could be born this way and that I did not make a conscious decision to be this way. I feel sorry for these people. It is their loss that their vision is so blinded by their beliefs that they cannot see the beauty of each of us as individuals, and cannot accept the fact that we can fall in love, no matter who the individuals involved.
I also know that there are people that feel that children are somehow immune from any type of feelings or needs of a sexual nature. I think this type of thinking is pure bull shit! When I was growing up almost every boy I knew, as far back as I can remember had some type of sexual feelings, and sexual curiosity. True, in some it is weaker than in others, and this especially true in very young children. But something is there in almost every boy, and as the boy grows, the sexual needs of the boy grow also. Several boys I knew as I was growing up had been masturbating, and playing ‘sex’ games, since they were 8 to 10 years old. By the time they reached puberty these boys were so horny they would screw anything that didn’t screw them first.
These same people seem to be of the opinion that in a normal boylove situation, the adult male always wants a sexual relationship, and the young male never wants a sexual relationship. Again, this is bull shit. There are many adult males, like me, that know what they are and how it should be controlled under all bet the most ideal circumstances (something I have not seen yet in my lifetime). I only want to be close friends with boys, and the thought of having a sexual relationship with a boy is something I work very hard at to avoid. At the same time, I know from talking with young boys, that there are many boys that when the circumstances are there will take full advantage of the situation, and enjoy it immeasurably. I have always known this, and to deny that it happens would be fallacy.
Over the years I have looked back at my attraction to boys, trying to figure out exactly what it is about them that I find attractive. A list of such things could quickly grow to be almost endless, but primary among my favorite things about boys are the following.
Boys seem to have a endless supply of pure energy, and a boy in motion appears to have only two speeds, “All Ahead Flank Speed” (usually running everywhere), and “All Stop” (sound asleep, preferably in your lap). There is nothing in between that a boy will tolerate if given a chance to be free.
Boys have a natural curiosity coupled with a certain daring, especially when they are with their peers. This is a deadly combination that tends to lead them into all sorts of troubling things.
Boys have a very short grudge span, and will forgive you for almost anything as long as they trust you and know you won't do anything that will really hurt them, or absolutely humiliate them in front of their peers.
It's hard to find a boy that doesn't smile, even when adults feel there's nothing to smile about. I have seen situations where the adults had nothing but despair and sorrow, surrounded by conditions that would gag a maggot. Yet, if the boys were fed, and reasonably healthy, they would
be smiling and start laughing, at each other if there was nothing else to laugh at. It just seems to come natural for boys.
Anybody that's been around a boy and had to leave for a while and then come back, will tell you boys are never the same for very long. They seem to grow in spurts and jumps, with one part of their anatomy growing first then another part and so on. Because of this, boys always seem to have something out of proportion to the rest of them. Either their ears, or their nose or their arms or their feet. Sometimes it’s other things that aren’t quite so visible.
Now, I'm not really a religious man. While I do believe in the existence of a God of some kind, I don't hold much for any religion that man has come up with. I do ‘know’ there is a God. The reason I can say this with such conviction is because there are several things on this earth that are so beautiful that they could only have come from the hand of God.
For example
The beauty of a rose, that grows on a thornbush.
The wings of a butterfly, that comes from a caterpillar.
The beauty of a sunset, after a storm.
Above all else, in my opinion there is nothing on the face of this earth as beautiful as the legs on a boy, that's just started growing into a young man.
As I remember back, this was the thing that really made me stand up and take notice. When I did that, I fell terribly, unconditionally, ‘brutally’, in love with the boy attached to those legs.
His name was Robby.
Strangely enough, the first time I met Robby, I didn’t notice anything special about him that couldn’t be said about any of the other kids I was dealing with at the time.
I first met Robby when I was almost seventeen. In fact, it was the same month as my seventeenth birthday. I was in between my junior and senior years in high school, and to be truthful I was feeling pretty bad emotionally. The Spring semester of my Junior year was about to end, summer was coming up, and I was turning into a basket case. I still wasn't sure about my sexuality, and I was at that point in my life where I was trying to figure out how I was going to fit in with the world after the following school year.
A friend of mine named Sam, who was also a junior at the same school, got wind of a summer program that was hosted by the City of San Diego to provide summer recreation and activities for neighborhood kids. The program was to be held at an elementary school right down the street from my house, (because of circumstances transportation beyond my neighborhood was a bit of a problem) and they were looking for some High School age volunteers to work with a paid adult. This year the program was headed up by a graduate student working on her masters degree at San Diego State.
I had never worked with kids before, and it sounded interesting, so why not. I volunteered and everyone felt I was qualified. After all, I was going to be a Senior in High School the following year. Well, the director decided to put me and Sam in charge of the baseball program. That sounded like fun, and we set about organizing a team. The elementary school had put notices up about the program, and there were enough boys in the 11 and 12 year age group to make up a fair team.
One of those boys was Robby. At first glance I didn't think too much about him. He was just another typical Southern California 11 year old boy, head full of blond hair, the deepest blue eyes you have ever seen, a nose full of freckles, a body full of energy and a face full of smiles. At first glance, that description matched about one third to one half of the 12 boys on the team.
I soon found that Robby was different.
Robby was a late gift in his family, and even though he was 6 years younger than me, his only brother (whom he absolutely worshiped) was a year older than I was. I remember seeing his older brother with the other football players, so I sorta kinda knew who he was. Robby was a better than average ball player, and he played infield, mostly short-stop and second base, and hit reasonably well.
What really set Robby apart was his attitude. Robby was really a very nice kid. He treated me like I knew something about what I was doing (in spite of the fact that he knew a great deal more about how to play baseball than I did), never talked back, and I never saw him get mad, not one time. He worked hard at everything he did, and had a very intense way of listening to you when you were talking to him.
One thing I noticed right away about Robby was the way he would look at you when he was listening to you. It was like he locked those blue eyes on yours and physically absorbed every sound you made. He did the same thing when he was talking to you, and would look straight at you, never blinking, with that little boy look that could only lead you believe he didn’t know how to say anything that wasn’t absolutely true.
I found out he had an “A” average in school, and had kept that average for every year he had been in school.
Robby had a good father, and a good mother, and came from a good home. I found out later that Robby had talked about the program at home, and mentioned my name to his brother. Robby's older brother had played on the football team at the same high school I went to (he was a senior when I was a junior), and was good enough playing defense to get a sports scholarship to a local college. I must have made the grade, because his brother said he remembered seeing me and thought I was Ok.
Well, our ball season started, and thank god for little league, which most of the boys were playing in (it was going on at the same time as our league), because if those kids had depended on me and Sam for coaching they would have been in trouble. We played out the season against teams from other schools, managed to win one or two, and finished up the program in early August. It was a lot of fun, and Sam and I got to know the boys pretty well. At the end of the summer we all decided that we should come back next summer and do it again.
I found out that I liked working with boys, and I seemed to be pretty good at it. All the boys seemed to like me, and by the time the summer ended I was feeling really good about myself.
I had found something I liked to do.
To be continued.
Techie
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